


Restoration

by ICanAtLeastTry



Category: Bastion (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23421313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ICanAtLeastTry/pseuds/ICanAtLeastTry
Summary: The Restoration was supposed to fix everything, reverse the damage caused by the Calamity. Unfortunately, it can't erase the past and many, mostly Zulf, are still bothered by it.
Relationships: The Kid/Zulf (Bastion), Zulf/Zulf's Fiancé (Bastion)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Restoration

**Author's Note:**

> I had seen a bit of post-canon about the Evacuation option but none about the Restoration option. However I'm also a massive sucker for KidZulf so I tried to picture how they'd live in like normal Caelondian society so I started thinking about it and now here we are. Unfortunately I had to have Zulf not have a wife, so uh sorry whoever u were I'm sure u were lovely lol, but I always pictured Restoration as just bringing people back and not like actually going back in time. Anywayss I really love this game and hope y'all enjoy! :)

Zulf couldn’t see. His eyes had glazed over a while ago and he was on the verge of losing consciousness. After a while, the kicking miraculously stopped, and he was picked up and placed on someone’s shoulder. They’ve probably gotten bored of kicking me and intent to finish the job by throwing me off a platform. At least that was how he had wanted to go, to finally see what lay below the endless array of skies and floating platforms, to finally embrace the alluring call of the void. He waited for the emptiness, the vertigo, but it never came. What did come were arrows and bullets, fired from Ura weapons. His vision blurrily returned and he saw colourful robes holding shining steel, pointed at him, and whoever was carrying him. This puzzled him because surely the Ura warriors wouldn’t hurt one of their own unless they felt they had been fooled, like with Zulf. It was when his slowly clearing vision shifted back to the floor that he knew why. Mismatched armour shown with blood as they left a trail of blood behind him. Of course it was him. Mother, he thought, it always seemed to be him didn’t it.

\--

Zulf sat on the edge of the Bastion, looking down. They were so high up all that he saw below was a mesh of dark clouds, no ground in sight. Watching the rain clouds crash together, merge and then separate in new forms was oddly mesmerizing, even more so was the prospect of what lay below them, sharp jagged rocks far down below, that could easily pierce through his skin, especially if he was falling from this height. That is, if he didn’t get caught by a rogue lightning bolt amongst the clouds first. He wondered what that would feel like, having the elements course through your body, quickly frying you on both the inside and outside. Zulf wondered about these things a lot, always had, when he didn’t know what to do with himself. He had thought about it before the Calamity, before he had met  _ her _ . He had thought about it after the Calamity, after he’d lost  _ her _ , thought about it on the edges of the Bastion, on the edges of the Tazal Terminals, but had rarely done anything about it, he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. His legs dangled over the edge and he inched closer to get a better look, to see if he could see the ground under the clouds. He was so completely and utterly focused that when there was suddenly a loud  _ Thump! _ beside him, he shrieked and almost fell over the edge. Strong arms caught him though, like they always did. Once he was steady, Kid gave him a wide grin and backed up.

“Hey Zulf!”

Still a bit overwhelmed by his sudden presence, he replied haughtily with his voice still in an embarrassingly high pitch.

“Can I not have a moment’s peace!? It’s quite rude to sneak up on people you know!”

Kid smiled wider and laughed.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle ya, you looked like you could use some company is all”.

Zulf huffed and straightened his upper tunic.

“‘Sides I wanted ta ask you somethin’”. Zulf was taken by surprise.

“...Me? Whatever could you want to ask me?” Kid sighed and shifted.

“Rucks n’ Zia are tryna make me make a tough decision, I wanted your advice on it.” 

Zulf sighed and looked away. “I don’t know why you care what I have to say on the matter”.

Kid poked him and Zulf pouted at that. “C’mon don’t be all… like that way that you do”.

“Morose?”

“Yeah that. This concerns you too so I want your advice.”

“...Okay”

“If you could go back, to before the Calamity happened, would you do it? Even knowing it could happen again?”

Zulf replied in a heartbeat. “Obviously, wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know”.

“Why do you ask?”

The Kid just looked out into the clouds, he sighed. He gets up. He starts walking away and then pauses and turns back to Zulf. He smiles. “No reason”.

Zulf has a gut feeling he just made a very important decision. This is confirmed by a conversation he overhears from below him. “He says restore, the Kid says”.

“Welp don’t know why you care what  _ he  _ thinks, but that’s two for Restoration against one for Evacuation with one abstention”.

He hears Zia huff. “Fair is fair, unless Kid wants to make it a tie?”

“Nah, says the Kid, I’ll just go with the majority”.

\--

Zulf had limped home as fast as he could, through bewildered figures, restored from ash. His pace, however, quickly slowed as he realized he hadn't seen any of the figures whose ashes had scattered after the Calamity. Only those figures which had remained intact now stood before him. In his panic post-Calamity he had run down the streets, attempting to shake awake any faces he recognized, that someone except for him was still alive. But they all disintegrated at his touch, just like  _ she _ had. And now as he neared his house, only unknown faces stared back at him from the streets. He was barely moving forward as he trudged up the steps to his house. He opened the door to find it empty, as it had been before Restoration. He closed the door behind him and shuttered the windows, he curled up on their bed and mourned yet again. He stayed there for a very long time.

\--

It was deep into the night and the streets were empty, Zulf went outside for the first time in days. He sat near the edge of a platform and looked down. It was so reminiscent of that day at the Bastion, the day of Restoration, but he knew no strong hands would stop him if he fell. He looked down through the peaceful clouds at the ground below. From this perspective, the buildings and greenery looked like tiny models a child might play with. He felt his mind drift towards his usual vertiginous thoughts, yet this time there was something different. He felt guilty about them, like he had when he was with  _ her _ . He knew why, it was because his life didn’t belong to him anymore. When it did he could throw it out as he pleased, but when he had given it to her, it was no longer his to take back. Similarly, the kid had saved his life, had gone through so much to safeguard his meaningless existence, and had offered him the gift of life at his own peril. Even if Zulf didn’t want that gift, who was he to just throw it away after all of that? Zulf kicked the air, silently cursed the kid then whispered words of apology to him into the air. Zulf went back home, to bed. He cried for a different reason that night, and those that followed. 

\--

A letter soared in through the window by way of the Skyway Post about a few days later. The small Skyway window had no shutters or glass as was customary, so letters could be carried in freely by way of the wind. Puzzled, Zulf slowly got up from his bed and wiped at his tear stained eyes.

_ Zulf, _

_ Just wanted to let you know that I heard about your wife, and I’d like to offer my condolences. I took the liberty of tellin’ Zia and the Kid, supposed if y’ever saw ‘em again, you wouldn’t wanna have to relive it, or something like that. I put in a good word with the Mancers for the Kid, he’s back off to the wall, to complete his second turn. Supposin’ you can’t teach any new tricks to an old dog. Still I got him a few favours and he should be livin’ pretty comfy, at least for that kinda life. I ain’t forgiven you right and true for what you did to the ol’ Bastion, nor to us neither, but I ain’t gonna be so bitter about it I can’t sympathize with ya a little. _

_ \-- Rucks _

Not exactly who he had been expecting a letter from, but then again he hadn’t been expecting a letter from anyone. He cleaned himself up a little bit and wrote a short reply, then sent it off.

_ Rucks, _

_ Thank you for checking in, and I appreciate you informing the others, as well as taking care of the Kid, I hope he is well. I suppose it makes sense that you haven’t forgiven me, I haven’t honestly forgiven Caelondia nor its inhabitants for the Calamity either. However as you said, I’m not so disillusioned with you that I can’t see I was harsh on all three of you, and for that I do apologize. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ -Zulf _

\--

He had been silently picking at a now cold plate of vineapple stew, unable to actually eat any of it, when a second letter had soared through the window and landed on the floor next to him. He picked it up and immediately knew the letter was from Zia, she had a tendency of writing in every colour of ink except for black, he didn’t even know where she had found such a bright blue ink in Caelondia, for all he knew, she had probably made it herself.

_ Heya Zulfie!! _

_ How you been doing? I miss youuuuuuuuu. I’ve been doing a lot better than I thought I would with the restoration. I’ve been doing odd jobs here and there, staying at places here and there. It doesn’t get boring and I just keep moving!! I’ve even gotten a few gigs singing! I hope I can be famous enough to be an actual bard one day and just go around and sing all the time and get paid for it haha, that’d be living the dreammm. The only real problem is people seem to be suuuuper mad at Ura people these days, what’s up with that?? Anywayss I figured I’d write ya cuz I haven’t seen you in like forever! I’ll be sure to pop by your place if I ever pass near Hanging Gardens. _

_ Be kind to yourself, eat lots of fruit and don’t hole up in your house you have a nasty habit of doing that but the sun is good for morals, _

_ \-- Zia _

Zia had always been a pleasure to have around the Bastion. She flitted around like a little flower nymph and sang beautiful songs that made the days a bit less long. She had always had a rather positive outlook on life, despite not having had an easy one. He envied how quickly she moved past sadness, anger, and especially betrayal. She always cared for others, and her smiles had always been infectious. Her note to him had obviously been a poorly disguised attempt to cheer him up, as Rucks had told her about his plight. The jubilant tone of the letter, the extra punctuation, her conversational writing style, where he could almost hear her read it to him, had all been carefully crafted in order to get him out of a rut. It had worked fairly well, he held the letter to his chest and smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever. He still worried about her though, he knew the tensions between Caelondia and the Ura had skyrocketed after the Calamity. Even sophisticated Caelondians now regarded Ura with suspicion, and in less privileged circles, often even hatred. Zulf thought this was moronic as they should be thankful the Ura people hadn’t immediately declared war on Caelondia as soon as the Restoration had brought them back. They should be begging for their forgiveness. It’s not like he could say that out loud in Caelondia, however. He reread Zia’s letter to put him in a good mood again and composed a reply.

_ My Dear Zia, _

_ I’ve been doing alright and am very glad to hear that you are well, both in body and in spirit. I have no doubt that you will be recognized for your wonderful voice, you are truly gifted. Life here is rather mundane, but nonetheless quite liveable. I’ve yet to find any kindred spirits to share my moroseness yet, as since you mentioned in your letter, people still mistrust me for my heritage. Do take care of yourself as well, don’t stray too far from the path of the Bull, and watch your step, some platforms are susceptible to fall out of the sky from disuse. Be wary of strangers and do not trust too easily if they offer you money. Be sure to thank the gods for bringing such joy into your young life. _

_ Respectfully, _

_ \-- Zulf _

Zulf was glad Zia hadn’t lost any of her joviality since her return to restored civilization. He hoped the girl would fare well in these difficult times, that the gods would go easy on her. He missed her infectious energy and zeal. He missed the Bastion more than he had expected to, and that included the people on it, the Kid, Zia, even Rucks and his wonderful storytelling. They might not have agreed on many things, but Zulf did enjoy hearing his truthful and tall tales. He missed the Kid too, he had always been so nice to him, in his own special way. Even when he had forsaken the Bastion, cursed his name and all that he held dear, the Kid hadn’t seemed angry, just took it all in stride. He had sent his people to attack him, kill him if they could, yet the Kid had still picked him up when he was on death’s door, had carried him through the arrow fire to the skyway without a single complaint. Zulf knew that the blood on that icy path in the heart of the Tazal Terminals did not belong only to him. Mother, he had barely even thanked him for saving his life. Kid was the only one who hadn’t sent him a letter yet, which didn’t surprise Zulf, Kid wasn’t really the letter-writing type. Zulf didn’t think he had ever actually seen the Kid write. He knew Kid hadn’t even finished elementary schooling, opting instead to go off to the walls at an almost criminally young age, he had had to lie about it to get in. Nonetheless Zulf was still worried about him, he missed talking to him, and if he couldn’t do so in person, by post would have to do. He took a fresh leaf of paper from the pile he kept on his desk and carefully dipped his quill in the inkpot. He didn’t know what to say at first, but soon found himself writing comfortably, as if the Kid had been right there listening, asking questions when Zulf trailed off, like he often did at the Bastion. He mused at how Kid had managed to get so much out of him by saying so little words of his own.

_ Dearest Kid, _

_ I haven’t heard from you yet so I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I heard from Rucks that you’ve gone back to the wall, I do hope you’ll be alright there, be careful. The wilds can be dangerous, and my people as well, but I suppose you know that already. I’ve yet to properly thank you for saving my life, had it been me in your place I would have probably left myself to rot. Anyhow, know that I bear no ill will towards you and that my door is always open should you decide to chance by Hanging Gardens. I’ll admit to missing you and Zia terribly, there’s been frightfully little company around here since Restoration. Anyhow, I’m rambling. I wish you well in your endeavours, feel free to write me back anytime, or don’t, I won’t resent you for it, believe me, it would be completely understandable.  _

_ Yours truly, _

_ \--Zulf _

He knew the letter was a bit sappy, but couldn’t bring himself to care. He meant every word of it although he already regretted some parts of it. He sent it off before he could take it back and rewrite it. He told himself it didn’t matter, that he might not even get the letter and that even if he did the odds were low that he would send a reply. He told himself this, but waited anxiously at the window for a week awaiting a reply, which did arrive rather promptly under the circumstances.

_ Zulf, _

_ Hi, thank u four writting me. I dident write u only cuz I’m kind of bad at it and ink spills all over the page when I tri so I usually have to write it a few times. I was wondering how u were doieng thogh, and dident want u to thinck I was ignoring u or something. Things are pretti good at the wall, I’ve got kinda a house now so that’s nice. It’s not great that ur not great and tell me if I can help at al, u can always visit me at the adres on the letter if I’m not there I should be soon so just wait around or somethin. I dont resent u or anything and its very nice hearing from u, dont worry about it I forgave u and stuff. I miss u too, also. _

_ \-- Kid _

Zulf beamed while reading the letter and well after he had finished it, he could almost hear the Kid reading its contents to him. He found the misspellings, horrible grammar and misshapen runes adorable even if under most other circumstances he would have found them grating. He pictured Kid, bent carefully over a parchment, completely focused on carefully tracing each limb of each rune, one at a time, and cursing when too much ink fell out of the quill at once, making a blotch in the middle of the word and having to continue it on the other side, the word divided by a pool of ink. He felt bad that the Kid had been concerned for him, though this was overshadowed by the fact that he had been thinking of him non-hatefully at all. It made him happy beyond what words could express that the Kid didn’t resent him for any of the hardships he had brought on him after the Calamity, that he did not regret saving himself from injury by letting Zulf die. He had even invited him to visit, an offer which Zulf would certainly take him up on at some point, preferably soon. He thought how they had talked, under the open skies of the Bastion, how he had been grieving everything he had lost in the Calamity, and how Kid had always sat with him and listened to what he had to say, never interrupting and asking questions when Zulf paused. Zulf found himself missing the sky, he unshuttered a few windows. Kid had tolerated his whining about everything without complaint, offering sympathy and trying to cheer him up with stories from his own childhood. Those rarely worked though, they just made Zulf sad for him, that the Calamity didn’t take anything from him only because he had nothing in the first place. Kid didn’t seem bothered though, he just laughed it off and said he didn’t mind. He said working on the walls, being a Mason, was good work if you knew the ins and outs of it, that it wasn’t as bad as people made it out to be. Zulf didn’t believe that, still didn’t. He looked towards the window and realized the sun had set hours ago.

\--

Zulf couldn’t sleep. He felt trapped in his own house, in his own skin. He had barely gone out of the house since he had gotten here, and had finished most of what was left in the pantry and the icebox. He was surprised it had lasted this long, but then again he hadn’t had much appetite, some days he hadn’t even eaten at all. He looked around the house, it wasn’t exactly a mess but it wasn’t as clean as when he had first arrived home either. He didn’t find the motivation to clean however. Every time he had tried to look through his things, he had stumbled across some old memory that sent him crawling into a corner again. He wished he didn’t have to keep going on like this, and then remembered why he had to. Kid, stupid, selfless Kid, him and his stupid heartwarming letters, memories and sacrifices. Zulf started packing his things, he knew he was being childish but he couldn’t stay in this house any longer or he’d go incurably insane, and he couldn’t think of anywhere else he wanted to go. He’d just visit for a few days, to get him out of the house, to see Kid again, to thank him properly in person. He bathed and put on a new set of clothes, then picked out a bulky cloak for the journey there. He knew it was impolite to show up without notice, but he didn’t intend to wait, the Kid would just have to accept it. Since Kid had saved his life, by Pyth he was now going to have to deal with him being alive and present. Zulf huffed and set off.


	2. Reunion

The Rippling Wall loomed both gloriously and imposingly before Zulf as he made his way towards and then along it. People gave him strange looks as he walked past. He hadn’t been stupid enough to go waltzing around in his traditional Ura clothes in the rough parts of town near the wall, he had worn a large cloak, which covered his clothing as well as his unmistakingly Ura complexion. His pale hands and the parts of his face not covered by the hood still earned him suspicious glares and harsh whispered words to those nearby from those close enough to see them. He pulled his dark hooded cloak tightly around him and walked faster.

He soon arrived near a small house lazily built right next to the wall. The address was the same one on the letters, so he hoped Kid hadn’t changed house or gone off on an exploration in the Wilds before his arrival. Zulf knocked three times on the shabby door in front of him, hoping not only for his knocks to be answered but that the door wouldn’t slam back in his face once the Kid saw him. He didn’t even know what he wanted, sympathy maybe? To see a familiar face? Anything besides sitting in an empty house that brought him nothing but nostalgic misery for times that would never, could never be restored, despite the Bastion’s best efforts, but he couldn’t tell the Kid that. It wouldn’t be right, after all he’d done for Zulf, for him to go complaining that he hadn’t saved the world hard enough. The door opened. The Kid yawned and lazily looked up to see who was at the door, his white hair mussed even more than usual and he was wearing his underclothes, his preferred sleeping attire. His eyes shot open and he stood up straighter when he saw Zulf.

“...Zulf?”

“Good Evening, Kid”. He took off his large hood and gave the Kid a small smile, the Kid smiled in return.

“Didn’t think you’d drop by. Why don’t ya come in, have a seat I’ll make ya… somethin to drink”. 

“Thank you”, Zulf said. He carefully stepped past the door frame, shedding his bulky cloak and placing it on a coat hook near the door. He looked around the place, it could hardly be called a house, considering it was only a couple rooms wide, with a small alcove in the corner for the kitchen. He took a seat on a patchwork beanbag, lying in the corner of the room and waited patiently while Kid put a kettle on and waited for it to boil. Kid sat down on the bed across from Zulf, there didn’t appear to be any actual chairs in the house at all.

“So, Zulf, what brings ya all the way out to tha walls?” inquired the Kid.

Zulf shrugged. He replied honestly. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t know where else to go? Rucks told you about my, uhm, living situation, yes?”

“Yeah, your wife’s dead right?”

Zulf looked away indignantly and stared at a loose plank on the other side of the room.

“…Yes. That’s a blunt way of putting it.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m just, I’m no good with words yaknow, just speak without thinkin’ sometimes”.

“I noticed”, Zulf said icily.

The Kid shifted uncomfortably and looked at his feet. The silence hung in the air for a few seconds before the kettle started hissing and the Kid sprang to tend to it, eager to escape the failed conversation. He hovered for a bit over the kettle, bringing out two cups from the small cupboard above his stove, filling them both with hot water. Zulf’s eyes were suddenly caught by the pieces of snow white gauze that littered his body. He knew their origin as he himself still had quite a few. Ura arrows pierced deep, and left nasty scars once they eventually healed, as evidenced by the other scars that mottled his tanned skin, many of them caused at his behest. He felt bad, he knew the Kid hadn’t meant anything by it. It still stung though. He decided to move past it, the Kid had seemingly forgiven him for much, much worse. The Kid turned back to him awkwardly. “...I only have one kind of tea, he mumbled”.

Zulf smiled pleasantly at him. “That’s perfectly alright, he said, and… I’m sorry for snapping at you, I know you didn’t mean any harm by it”.

“S’alright”.

Some of the tension left the air and Kid put a small packet of tea leaves in each cup. He returned to Zulf and handed him a cup, Zulf smiled and thanked him. The Kid sat back down with his own cup and looked up at him expectantly. “So why’d ya come see me specifically?”

Zulf sighed. “Well, we both know why I can’t go back to Tazal Terminals, I may have old friends there, but I haven’t seen them in ages, I’m not sure if they’re even alive or if they are, if they even remember me. Besides, I doubt I’d make it very far anyways even if I did attempt to see them”.

Kid nodded solemnly. 

“As for the other former Bastion denizens, Rucks and I don’t exactly... see eye to eye sometimes. It would feel wrong to just go up to his house unannounced like this. As for Zia, I wouldn’t even know where to find her. There’s a different return address on every letter I get from her”. 

Kid chuckled. “Yeah I noticed that too. Could never stay in one place, that one”.

“Agreed, Zulf chuckled, So have you kept in contact with her and Rucks then?”

“Kinda, they send me letters about how things ‘re goin’ an I answer in kind, but I’m no good at writin' letters, so they usually ain’t long, but I suppose you’d know that. Language ain’t my forte”. 

Zulf smiled. “There’s nothing wrong with some familial wordings and spellings in a letter, it makes it easier to read in your voice”. 

Kid smiled back. “Yeah, always read yours with your voice too, no one talks that fancy on the walls, it sticks out”, he laughed. “I don’t always know all the words you use neither. Not even sure if they’re Ura or Cael”.

Zulf smiled sadly. “You should have said something, I’m sorry. I only write in Cael, I didn’t think you knew any Ura”.

“I don’t, it’s pretty though, I’d like to learn it. Prolly should focus on learnin’ my own language ‘fore I start any others though”. Kid laughed half-heartedly.

“Kid, it’s fine to adhere to dialect, no one knows any language fully, it doesn’t mean you can’t learn new ones”.

“Thanks Zulf”. Kid smiled.

“Must I keep calling you ‘Kid’, surely someone around here knows your real name, even if the Restoration didn’t return your memory of it”.

“Nah, Mancers always called me Kid anyways, ‘n so does everyone else ‘round here. ‘S what happens when you start your turn early”. He laughed. “Everyone’s always older than you. ‘Sides even if they did, the name don’t really mean much anyways, I prolly wouldn’t even be able to answer to it, it’s been so long since anyone called me it, whatever it is. Even the few that’re younger than me call me the Kid”, he chuckled.

“Fair enough”, Zulf laughed gently, he looked up at the Kid. “It’s good to see you”.

“S’good to see you too”.

They drank the rest of their tea in comfortable silence.

Zulf got up and took both of their cups to the small kitchen alcove, then returned to sit on the beanbag. They sat there for a few minutes before Zulf gave into his curiosity about how the Kid had been. “So”, he started conversationally, how are things on the walls?”

“Eh, s’arright”, Kid said with a shrug, he looked out the window. “It’s honest work, and it pays decent enough, might just stay here forever” 

“Surely not”, Zulf replied, “it’s unheard of! Besides, you don’t need to, I’m sure any of the guilds would accept you, with Rucks to vouch for your achievements on the proving grounds that still stood!” Zulf thought of the stories he’d heard, of Masons dying at the hands of a rogue pincushion, or wallflower, or… hostile Ura brigade. He bit his lip, his heart sank. Zulf hadn’t even thought of the Kid dying, hadn’t even considered it a possibility. He looked slowly back up at the Kid, “Surely you could find something else, something less dangerous?” Kid shrugged again, “I dunno, I’ve never really done anythin’ else, I know these walls well, people respect that here. ‘Sides I ain’t scared of danger, I’ve seen the Wilds and I can fight ‘em no problem” He grinned confidently and Zulf huffed, rolling his eyes and giving Kid a deadpan stare, Kid had nearly died more than a few times out in those bogs and Zulf knew that just as well as the Kid did. He was about to argue back when Kid hastily threw up his hands and changed the subject. “Enough about me already, what you gonna do now that Caelondia’s back in business?” 

Zulf didn’t have an answer to that, hadn’t even thought about it yet. The reasons he had set out in the first place, the past few weeks, it all came rushing back. He remembered his complete and utter despair, how this was the only reason he was still here, sitting right in front of him. He didn’t feel like holding a conversation anymore. He looked back up at the Kid, who smiled expectantly. Zulf finally said, “I don’t know”

Kid looked surprised, “You don’t? You haven’t thought about it at all? But you’re so orderly and smart and stuff! How can you not have thought of something? You could do like anything!”

Zulf blushed slightly at the praise and answered “I’ve been rather preoccupied”.

“With what?” Kid asked, oblivious to Zulf’s sudden tenseness and reserve.

“Thinking” he answered, wishing Kid would change the subject, as he was unable to get out more than a few words without his now rough voice cracking. Kid still noticed something was off though and went over to him, sitting next to him and looking up at him with dark, concerned eyes. “I’m sorry for asking”, he told Zulf earnestly, he held his hand and squeezed it.

Zulf looked down at him with tired eyes, with eyebrows knotted at the top of his brow. He shifted from the beanbag and onto the floor, taking Kid’s other hand and bringing it up to hold both of them. He looked directly in his eyes and said in a solemn voice, “No. No, I’m sorry.”

Kid didn’t seem to know what to do. He just looked back at Zulf and asked “...For what?”

Zulf thought surely he was playing dumb. He huffed and shifted his gaze away. “You know exactly for what.” He looked back up at him.

Kid stammered, “I told ya, just like in my letter I don’t, I never, it’s understandable ya know, I like get it and don’t blame ya and-”

“I know”, Zulf cut him off. “But you should. I didn’t just storm off and be rude for a couple days, I kicked your precious monument until pieces of it shattered off. I cursed you and your people, hated you even though you had done nothing wrong.”, He gripped the Kids hands tighter, his voice getting louder as he spoke. “After you had rescued me, talked to me, been nice to me, reassured me, even befriended me.” His voice was back to shaking again. “You didn’t cause the calamity, not you, not Zia, hell not even Rucks directly. My hatred for him was justified, I won’t apologize for it, but you? You did nothing to deserve that sort of venom, that raw unbridled hatred. Just because you lived in the city and wore its crest didn’t mean you were guilty of its crimes, that you had to atone for them.” He was crying now. “It didn’t mean that I had to send my men to hurt you, to attack you, to k-k- to ki-k- to kil-” He couldn’t get the word out, couldn’t say it, no matter how hard he tried. He curled over with hiccuping sobs. “Hey”, said the Kid, “I told you it’s okay”. He gently pulled a hand from Zulf’s iron grip and placed it delicately on his shoulder. Zulf shot up, “No!”, he screamed, snatching a bewildered Kid’s hand back in his grip. “I’m not  _ fucking _ done yet!”. Kid shut up, and Zulf went on ranting, “Then! After all that, you save my life at your own risk, almost die yourself and I barely even thank you for it. How can you forgive me for that?! And if that wasn’t enough, I show up, almost, no, completely unannounced at your door in the middle of the night, yell at you for something you didn’t even mean and then rant at you like a lunatic for an hour!” “It’s been like five mi-” “I don’t care that’s not my point!” Zulf breathed out heavily. He was still crying a little bit. 

Kid once again carefully pried his hand free, pausing to give Zulf the chance to grab it back. When he didn’t he put his hand on Zulf’s cheek and tilted his chin up. He looked at Zulf until Zulf looked back up at him. The Kid breathed out, “None of this is your fault”. Zulf was too tired to correct him, but huffed in disapproval. “Now I know you don’t think that but it’s true. I may not have caused the calamity, but neither did you. You lost everything to it, then found out it had been designed to wipe out your entire race. That’d be enough to make anyone turn their back on the world”. Zulf looked at Kid dead in the eyes and whispered, “I’m nothing but a traitor. You know it just as well as I do.” His voice was crackley, and it hurt to say, but it had to be said. Kid breathed out and said, “No you’re not. That’s why I didn’t say you were.” 

Zulf still looked dejectedly at the floor. Kid went on, “Look, you clearly announced you were no longer with us and gave a good reason as to why. Hell, if I were you I woulda probably done the same.” Zulf looked up at that, “Really?” he asked. “Yeah”, said the Kid, “Hell, if you woulda told me what was going on and that you couldn’t stay at the Bastion because of what its creators had done, I woulda probably asked to go with you”. Zulf gave him a teary smile, “Yr’ just saying that” he mumbled, he wished he hadn’t cried so much, he was slurring like a drunkard. Kid smiled back at him and shifted to sit next to him, keeping their hands intertwined. Zulf wrapped his arms around the Kid’s and buried his head in Kid’s shoulder, breathing in the warm smell of spices and sawdust. Kid squeezed his hand and went on, “No I’m not. Did I ever tell ya ‘bout this story from when I was a kid?” Zulf knew Kid was trying to get his mind off things, he let it happen. 

“I had this tutor, Maud”, the Kid continued ,“and she would teach a class of the kids from the rough side of the city, who’s parents couldn’t afford to send them to school. Needless to say, weren’t the nicest bunch, got picked on quite a bit.” Zulf squeezed his hand, “Oh shush this ain’t about me”, Kid said. “There was this other kid, weaker than the others, had some sorta medical condition I believe. Anyways he got beat up one day and started coughin’ up blood n’ such and I knew it weren’t right.” He laughed, “shoulda seen the look on their faces when I brought a rock to the ringleader’s head, they scattered quick. I dragged him all the way to the orchards and hung him up by his foot. Maud was furious, but I didn’t care. Wanna know why?” Zulf hummed. “Cuz I knew I did what was right, an’ they never picked on him again.” Kid ran his hand through Zulf’s hair, “I’d a stuck up for ya, and talked ya out a the whole vengeance thing if I’d been there”. Zulf laughed softly, “Don’t think I would’ve listened”, “Sure you woulda”. 

Kid sighed, “I’ll admit we all kinda hated you for a while after the second time you messed up the Bastion”, Zulf breathed in sharply. “But then I realized you didn’t entirely do that either”. 

Zulf looked up sharply, “What do you mean, of course it was! I gave the order!”. 

“Yeah”, said Kid, “But we both know you didn’t really have full control of the Ura either, did you? Besides, I told ya, it’s all past now”. 

Zulf sighed, “You shouldn’t be so forgiving”. 

“Yeah, and you shouldn’t be so sad”, Kid countered. 

“Can’t exactly control that, can I?”

“Maybe not, but it was worth a try”

Kid looked over at Zulf and smiled warmly. Zulf smiled weakly back and then put his head back on Kid’s shoulder while Kid’s hand came up to rest on Zulf’s. This is nice, Zulf thought. His insides felt like they had been gutted with a jagged spoon, but Kid’s warmth enveloped him like a warm blanket, and made him feel entirely less hollow. He felt safe, and he smiled softly, exhausted from his emotional outburst. He didn’t remember when he had closed his eyes, but his consciousness faded fast, and he couldn’t bring himself to care.


End file.
